Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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