um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize