He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
