my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
