3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
