tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
