Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
