??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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