Umm I'm too high to move.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
