you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize