Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
