My room smells like vodka and shame
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
