tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
