I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
