real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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