Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
