Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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