so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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