Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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