a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
