Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she told me i tasted like america
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize