Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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