hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize