just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize