I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
