She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize