Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
