You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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