Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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