i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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