I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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