bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
