This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
