I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
