Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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