he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
