so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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