see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize