How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
