I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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