oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Randomize