My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
