She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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