She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
