If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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