I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
