if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
