he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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