at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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