he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
