I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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