thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize