ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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