his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
