the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
