just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
