my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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