also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
