Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
