i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
