just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
