The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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