"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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