I wish I only lived at night.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
