She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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