I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
