Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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