she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
