Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
