3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
